OCTOBER OVERHAUL

do you ever have moments in life when you realize you've got an idea in your mind and you can't stop thinking about it? you keep saying the words to yourself over and over, trying to figure out how this little thing's going to come into fruition, only to become semi-obsessed with it . . . i have, for the last 24 hours, had this idea bouncing around, and instead of twiddling my thumbs thinking about it, i'm just going to dive in head first.

ladies and gentlemen, today (september 26, 2010) is the first day of my OCTOBER OVERHAUL. i know what you're thinking - i realize it's still september, but i'm hoping to give myself a little bit of leeway before october 1 hits.

what OO entails:
a) goals set to better myself emotionally and physically
b) a realistic, positive outlook toward exercise and food
c) a commitment to stick to both a) and b) to the very best of my ability


a) the goals:

note: a few are personal and i believe should be kept as such, but the ones i choose to share are:

- clean up room/make bed every morning (or night, whichever fits the schedule best)
- exercise/walk/do p90x/yoga/pilates/sit ups/push ups 6 days a week (the slashes to indicate either, not all at once!)
- find interesting, stimulating books to read (non-school related!)
- keep a positive attitude about P being gone - stay in good contact and not be overwhelmed by his absence
- work to save money for SB and other fun trips
- savor fall! it's going to be a beautiful week (or so says iphone)
- ride bike more frequently
- experiment with at least 2 new ingredients/products every week
- reach out to friends/co-workers
- understand/think about my relationship with food
- keep kitchen/house clean
- blog more frequently!

i'm certain that more goals may develop, but as for now, these are what i have come up with and am excited about.



it's time for me to turn over a new leaf and get my life back to where i want it to be and to where i know it can be . . . i control my own fate and my own thoughts, and i need to take responsibility for both of those.

18 : inspiration

My joyful moment of the day was thinking about/seeing this image for the first time in a while.

To say that this painting changed my life is actually, for once, an understatement for me. It has encompassed and been present in many different times of my life and has served as my inspiration not only artistically, but also spiritually. I can merely look at this image and my eyes mist over - it means that much to me. Here's why . . .

When I was in sixth grade, my brother traveled to France with a school trip. I missed him terribly when he was gone, but of course, he'd never know that. I love my brother to the point of pain occasionally, and admire him so much - however; our relationship is nothing like I wish it would/could be and it's something I've regretted a lot in the past few years. Anyway, he went to France, and ended up bringing me a copy of this painting as a souvenir. It is the first un-forced present I can ever remember him giving me (not Christmas, not birthday, etc.), he picked this out for me alone and thought it would be something I would enjoy. He spent hours talking to me about France, about the magic of Paris, about how much his French speaking skills had improved. I'm sure you can guess what happened next . . .

I fell in love. With French, with France, with all things Francophone. All I wanted in life was to be just like him - to love a place and a language as much as he did. Beginning in 7th grade, I took French as my foreign language, and pretty much didn't stop until I walked across the graduation stage at Santa Clara. When classes became too hard, when I couldn't figure out how the hell I was supposed to write a 15 page paper about existentialism in French, when I debated studying abroad . . . all I had to do was glance at the beautiful woman with her umbrella and I knew that it was what I was meant to do.

I became enthralled, entranced, enamored with the way French sounded, with how easily it came to me, with how beautiful the written words looked on pages and flowing from my hand. It began to define my education and the course of my life. I was incredibly fortunate to study abroad in the Fall of my junior year of college, and to say that it was an experience like none other only scratches the surface. I needed to rediscover who I was and what I wanted. I learned so much about myself while I was there, it's unreal.

The woman with the umbrella is housed at the Musee d'Orsay in Paris. That building, in and of itself, is the most beautiful place on earth, but the fact that it holds the key to my heart is beyond all wonder. I'll never forget the moment I saw her hanging on the wall - I didn't have a map of the museum (totally defeats the surprise/wonder factor of exploring) and I remember turning my face to the left and there she was. More magnificent than I had ever dreamed her to be. As I'm sure you know, Monet's impressionist brush strokes simply jumped off the page and she was immediately real. I stopped dead in the middle of the hallway, tears streaming down my cheeks because I realized what this moment meant to me. My search, my journey, my quest had all been for this moment. I had been inspired by this image for so many years, and to see the actual thing was so powerful it nearly broke my heart. I think back to that moment now and realize that there will be few experiences in my life like that one, and I am so blessed to have lived it.

Looking at the painting now is still extremely emotional for me - not because French/France defines my life as much as it used to, but more because I feel I can identify so much with her. I want to live my life in a state of grace, my clothes blowing softly in the wind.

17: revive

above : farmer's market circa 1951

in a season where joy is usually abound for me, i have found it difficult lately to find inspiration - that breathy, soothing feeling of contentment has been elusive and short-lived. tough moments in life make my vision cloudy and my heart heavy, each thought and negative experience adding its weight to the already substantial pile of emotion.

however, a friend reminded me today of my commitment to appreciate and to revel in daily smatterings of pleasure - i hadn't really come to terms with how much time has passed since my last posting until that moment. a true lesson of sorts, because it is this commitment that facilitates big-time happiness through snapshots of joy. this is an ongoing and at times failing journey, but i do believe in its power to heal.

so . . .

today's joy comes from a new experience - a neighborhood farmer's market in the heart of a small area in the city. it had been our intention week after week to make it there; however, it hadn't happened until this afternoon. as soon as my feet hit the pavement and the summer air touched my skin, things just seemed a little more right, a little more rooted in my own ideal reality. the smell of wafting barbecue mingling perfectly with fried everything greeted me and drew me in and fresh produce, jewelry and homemade baskets filled my sight. meandering through the crowd, my every sense was stimulated and my every happiness fulfilled. it's moments like these that restore me, that revive me, and that give me faith.

bon weekend, tout le monde.

16 : the best reminder of all

i stumbled across this in my blog-combing this afternoon, and realized that it couldn't be more true:

it reads:

. . . it is never too late to be what you want to be . . .

it really isn't - and what a joyful realization it was for me.

15 : sun (again)

(actual photo i took!)

sorry for the hiatus . . .

today's joy came early, yet again, on my drive to work this morning. i am one of the few people on earth who absolutely loves to have the sun in her eyes - i don't know where that love comes from, but when that bright shining light is directly in my eyeballs, i just can't get enough. this morning; however, it was more than a little bit inspiring, because the sunshine literally seemed to be burning through the clouds - it so desparately wanted to be a part of my day that it was showing those clouds who was boss. when that light pierced my eyes this morning, i knew that it was going to be a great day. bonne journee a tous!

14 : toasty deliciousness

today’s joyful moment is a small one, but a perfect one. bagels, to me, are one of the hardest food items to perfect, and this morning at work, i made the most absolutely pristine and, quite frankly, gorgeous bagel. when it hopped happily out of the toaster this morning, it was the most deliciously enticing shade of golden toasty brown . . . the cream cheese spread evenly over each half, warmed up just enough for a smooth coating on both surfaces. no edge burned, no spot left un-browned – a flawless specimen almost too delectable to eat . . . almost.

13 : brains

on the way home from a road trip yesterday, i discovered a few old mixed cd’s from my high school and early college days. needless to say, i could not wait for my 20ish minute commute to work this morning, because i knew that i was going to have an extreme musical flashback to years long passed . . . and oh man, did these cd’s pull through. although the music entertained me because of its incredible randomness and nostalgic quality, the joy that i felt from this experience came from this: it has been most likely four or more years since i’d heard most of these songs; however, i felt myself singing the entire songs, start to finish, without (very many) mistakes. it made me realize and appreciate once again the insane power that the brain has to hang on to ridiculously trivial and non-essential information – how is it possible that it can remember and conjure up every syllable to gerry rafferty’s “right down the line” but it cannot seem to dredge up the time of my hair appointment tomorrow? it truly baffles me . . . but in a this-is-so-awesome type of way. happy monday, all – make it a joyful day.