OCTOBER OVERHAUL

do you ever have moments in life when you realize you've got an idea in your mind and you can't stop thinking about it? you keep saying the words to yourself over and over, trying to figure out how this little thing's going to come into fruition, only to become semi-obsessed with it . . . i have, for the last 24 hours, had this idea bouncing around, and instead of twiddling my thumbs thinking about it, i'm just going to dive in head first.

ladies and gentlemen, today (september 26, 2010) is the first day of my OCTOBER OVERHAUL. i know what you're thinking - i realize it's still september, but i'm hoping to give myself a little bit of leeway before october 1 hits.

what OO entails:
a) goals set to better myself emotionally and physically
b) a realistic, positive outlook toward exercise and food
c) a commitment to stick to both a) and b) to the very best of my ability


a) the goals:

note: a few are personal and i believe should be kept as such, but the ones i choose to share are:

- clean up room/make bed every morning (or night, whichever fits the schedule best)
- exercise/walk/do p90x/yoga/pilates/sit ups/push ups 6 days a week (the slashes to indicate either, not all at once!)
- find interesting, stimulating books to read (non-school related!)
- keep a positive attitude about P being gone - stay in good contact and not be overwhelmed by his absence
- work to save money for SB and other fun trips
- savor fall! it's going to be a beautiful week (or so says iphone)
- ride bike more frequently
- experiment with at least 2 new ingredients/products every week
- reach out to friends/co-workers
- understand/think about my relationship with food
- keep kitchen/house clean
- blog more frequently!

i'm certain that more goals may develop, but as for now, these are what i have come up with and am excited about.



it's time for me to turn over a new leaf and get my life back to where i want it to be and to where i know it can be . . . i control my own fate and my own thoughts, and i need to take responsibility for both of those.

18 : inspiration

My joyful moment of the day was thinking about/seeing this image for the first time in a while.

To say that this painting changed my life is actually, for once, an understatement for me. It has encompassed and been present in many different times of my life and has served as my inspiration not only artistically, but also spiritually. I can merely look at this image and my eyes mist over - it means that much to me. Here's why . . .

When I was in sixth grade, my brother traveled to France with a school trip. I missed him terribly when he was gone, but of course, he'd never know that. I love my brother to the point of pain occasionally, and admire him so much - however; our relationship is nothing like I wish it would/could be and it's something I've regretted a lot in the past few years. Anyway, he went to France, and ended up bringing me a copy of this painting as a souvenir. It is the first un-forced present I can ever remember him giving me (not Christmas, not birthday, etc.), he picked this out for me alone and thought it would be something I would enjoy. He spent hours talking to me about France, about the magic of Paris, about how much his French speaking skills had improved. I'm sure you can guess what happened next . . .

I fell in love. With French, with France, with all things Francophone. All I wanted in life was to be just like him - to love a place and a language as much as he did. Beginning in 7th grade, I took French as my foreign language, and pretty much didn't stop until I walked across the graduation stage at Santa Clara. When classes became too hard, when I couldn't figure out how the hell I was supposed to write a 15 page paper about existentialism in French, when I debated studying abroad . . . all I had to do was glance at the beautiful woman with her umbrella and I knew that it was what I was meant to do.

I became enthralled, entranced, enamored with the way French sounded, with how easily it came to me, with how beautiful the written words looked on pages and flowing from my hand. It began to define my education and the course of my life. I was incredibly fortunate to study abroad in the Fall of my junior year of college, and to say that it was an experience like none other only scratches the surface. I needed to rediscover who I was and what I wanted. I learned so much about myself while I was there, it's unreal.

The woman with the umbrella is housed at the Musee d'Orsay in Paris. That building, in and of itself, is the most beautiful place on earth, but the fact that it holds the key to my heart is beyond all wonder. I'll never forget the moment I saw her hanging on the wall - I didn't have a map of the museum (totally defeats the surprise/wonder factor of exploring) and I remember turning my face to the left and there she was. More magnificent than I had ever dreamed her to be. As I'm sure you know, Monet's impressionist brush strokes simply jumped off the page and she was immediately real. I stopped dead in the middle of the hallway, tears streaming down my cheeks because I realized what this moment meant to me. My search, my journey, my quest had all been for this moment. I had been inspired by this image for so many years, and to see the actual thing was so powerful it nearly broke my heart. I think back to that moment now and realize that there will be few experiences in my life like that one, and I am so blessed to have lived it.

Looking at the painting now is still extremely emotional for me - not because French/France defines my life as much as it used to, but more because I feel I can identify so much with her. I want to live my life in a state of grace, my clothes blowing softly in the wind.

17: revive

above : farmer's market circa 1951

in a season where joy is usually abound for me, i have found it difficult lately to find inspiration - that breathy, soothing feeling of contentment has been elusive and short-lived. tough moments in life make my vision cloudy and my heart heavy, each thought and negative experience adding its weight to the already substantial pile of emotion.

however, a friend reminded me today of my commitment to appreciate and to revel in daily smatterings of pleasure - i hadn't really come to terms with how much time has passed since my last posting until that moment. a true lesson of sorts, because it is this commitment that facilitates big-time happiness through snapshots of joy. this is an ongoing and at times failing journey, but i do believe in its power to heal.

so . . .

today's joy comes from a new experience - a neighborhood farmer's market in the heart of a small area in the city. it had been our intention week after week to make it there; however, it hadn't happened until this afternoon. as soon as my feet hit the pavement and the summer air touched my skin, things just seemed a little more right, a little more rooted in my own ideal reality. the smell of wafting barbecue mingling perfectly with fried everything greeted me and drew me in and fresh produce, jewelry and homemade baskets filled my sight. meandering through the crowd, my every sense was stimulated and my every happiness fulfilled. it's moments like these that restore me, that revive me, and that give me faith.

bon weekend, tout le monde.

16 : the best reminder of all

i stumbled across this in my blog-combing this afternoon, and realized that it couldn't be more true:

it reads:

. . . it is never too late to be what you want to be . . .

it really isn't - and what a joyful realization it was for me.

15 : sun (again)

(actual photo i took!)

sorry for the hiatus . . .

today's joy came early, yet again, on my drive to work this morning. i am one of the few people on earth who absolutely loves to have the sun in her eyes - i don't know where that love comes from, but when that bright shining light is directly in my eyeballs, i just can't get enough. this morning; however, it was more than a little bit inspiring, because the sunshine literally seemed to be burning through the clouds - it so desparately wanted to be a part of my day that it was showing those clouds who was boss. when that light pierced my eyes this morning, i knew that it was going to be a great day. bonne journee a tous!

14 : toasty deliciousness

today’s joyful moment is a small one, but a perfect one. bagels, to me, are one of the hardest food items to perfect, and this morning at work, i made the most absolutely pristine and, quite frankly, gorgeous bagel. when it hopped happily out of the toaster this morning, it was the most deliciously enticing shade of golden toasty brown . . . the cream cheese spread evenly over each half, warmed up just enough for a smooth coating on both surfaces. no edge burned, no spot left un-browned – a flawless specimen almost too delectable to eat . . . almost.

13 : brains

on the way home from a road trip yesterday, i discovered a few old mixed cd’s from my high school and early college days. needless to say, i could not wait for my 20ish minute commute to work this morning, because i knew that i was going to have an extreme musical flashback to years long passed . . . and oh man, did these cd’s pull through. although the music entertained me because of its incredible randomness and nostalgic quality, the joy that i felt from this experience came from this: it has been most likely four or more years since i’d heard most of these songs; however, i felt myself singing the entire songs, start to finish, without (very many) mistakes. it made me realize and appreciate once again the insane power that the brain has to hang on to ridiculously trivial and non-essential information – how is it possible that it can remember and conjure up every syllable to gerry rafferty’s “right down the line” but it cannot seem to dredge up the time of my hair appointment tomorrow? it truly baffles me . . . but in a this-is-so-awesome type of way. happy monday, all – make it a joyful day.

12 : the (dreaded) workout

i KNOW you know the feeling . . . lethargic, exhausted, altogether blah-to-the-extreme. there is NO way, not way in a million bazillion years that you are going to get your lazy butt to the smelly, mean, out-to-get-you gym. you are going to turn a blind eye to the fact that you have been on a roll lately and you are definitely going to ignore that devil (angel) on your shoulder who has been pestering you to tie up your sneakers and drag yourself off of the comfy, deliciously snuggly couch. you simply will not budge to the point of an almost toddler-style tantrum of refusal.

but then. in a wave of something close to divine intervention, the rubber band ball of guilt, inspiration, desperation, energy, stubborn-as-an-ass-ness rolls itself together and bounces you off the couch. you jump into your workout clothes in record time, hoping like crazy that you don't lose this little spark of motivation before it goes away as quickly as it came. you get to the gym and once you're down there, you realize that you completely don't remember the process of getting there - you've been so focused on clasping tight to your inspiration that you've auto-piloted yourself onto the treadmill.

however many minutes later, you've had one of the best workouts to date - you have outsmarted mr. lethargy and mrs. blah, and have kicked that workout's bum. YEAH! now, time to shower.

11 : when it hits you, you feel (no) pain . . .

sometimes i do feel pain when it hits me . . . occasionally it hurtles me back in time, other times it propels me years into the future with visions of what could be. this, to me, is the power and the palpable joy of music. songs have the ability to etch memories and dreams into my unconscious, fighting their way to the surface of my mind and my heart when i least expect it. tonight, it was 'sounds of silence,' by none other than the irreplaceable simon + g.

: dancing (with wild abandon, naturally) in a sun-filled living room, tiny feet barely touching the plush sky-blue carpeting, white-blonde hair flying in carefree splashes, tiny young voice singing words she can't possibly understand :

: teenage spirit flowing through the newly-hers car, sunlight streaming through the open sunroof, smiling cheeks bellowing out the still-misunderstood words :

: night-before-college-graduate, sitting indian-style in her empty room, words finally piercing her heart with more power than she ever expected . . . shivers, brushes the tears from her hazel eyes, and rushes down the stairs to find her "family" :

for all of you who find music so startlingly memory-jerking, i hope that my little memories help you to conjure some of your own.

10 : mother's day

occasionally, i wonder if i'll turn out anything like my mom. however, most of the time i realize that i'm already exactly like her. it's something that use to unnerve me as a teenager - can anyone else relate to that? i wasn't sure i wanted to become a second version of her, what with her silly habits, phrases, and slightly embarrassing tendencies. these days, i realize that there would be no bigger blessing than to become a second-generation anna. she's guided, shaped, and pushed me into the person i am right now, and will continue to do so throughout my life. i look forward to when i can follow in my mom's footsteps and shape my own daughter into a second-generation of me. i love you, mom.

9 : MB

my moment(s) of almost-to-the-point-of-tears joy came from one song, one love:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICDTVunkf6I

thank you, KD, for showing me this.

happy weekend, everyone.

8 : ears

my ear un-clogged in the car today. i realized at that precise moment that there may not be a better or more satisfying feeling in the entire world - especially if you weren't aware that your ear was clogged in the first place. the unexpected squeaky little pop of liberation = pure joy.

*note : i googled ears in hopes of including a visual for this post, only to become completely overwhelmed by how much i dislike pictures of ears. so, too bad so sad, no visual today. shudder.

7 : yellow on the inside

i've been grappling with how to put this moment into words since it happened earlier today - i haven't completely pieced together the ideal verbiage; however, it is something that truly fills me to the brim with contentment each and every time it happens, so i feel compelled to pass it along in a timely manner . . .

the most treasured moment of my day occurred at about 1:00, as i was leaving work for lunch. i pushed open the glass door of my office building and was greeted by a vast and uninterrupted blue sky, accessorized perfectly with an enormous canary-yellow orb of sunshine. i stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, turned my face upward, closed my eyes, and inhaled. at that moment, it felt as though my entire insides had been filled with a warm, yellow, healing glow - i was yellow on the inside.

i hope this is something that others have experienced - i believe, and always will believe, that sunshine is medicine.

6 : WD

this snippet, sent to me by my best friend hally, had to be shared:

"The other day one of my students, Adam, and I were walking down the elementary hallway. He poked his head into the 1st through 3rd grade room and called one boy over to the door, much to the chagrin of the teacher who was rudely interrupted by MY student. To make matters worse, when Reggie, the 3rd grader came to the door, Adam asked him, loud enough for their entire class and myself to hear, to bring in the "you-know-what" tomorrow. When Reggie responded only with an inquisitive look, Adam gave him a friendly elbow nudge and said, (again inconspicuously), "remember Reggie...it starts with a w and ends with a d!" At this point I grabbed my 6th grader and swooped him from the doorway of an elementary classroom, horribly annoyed and embarrased at his not-so-slick encounter. I spun him to face me and gave him my best mom look--the one that screams "you better tell me what you're talking about right now or else!" I told him I'd give him a choice. He could either tell me right now what Reggie was planning on bringing him the following day or we could go to the office and call his mother to let her know we'd be searching him for weed upon arriving at school the next day. His reluctance to tell me what scandalous item(s) would be awaiting him at school on Friday only made me suspect drug-use more. After much prodding, he finally agreed to tell me what Reggie was bringing him, accented by his insistence that I ruin everything. After pinky-swearing that I wouldn't tell anyone on his bus that I knew, he confessed. With his head barely visible underneath his hood, he whispered the illusive item. The treat: a white doughnut!

Wow, I was duped by a sixth grader who can't tell me the beginning letters of the words 'white doughnut'. Ah, life!"

thanks hally :)

5 : minute to win it

if you haven't watched this show, you NEED to. there's no two ways about it. the contestants on this show are the essence of childlike joy - playing silly games with household objects to win money . . . what could be more fun!? guaranteed smiles. http://www.nbc.com/minute-to-win-it

4 : weekend

my big moment of joy this weekend was glorified (and drunkified) karaoke - we were asked to sing "take me out to the ball game" during the 7th inning stretch of the iowa cubs baseball game . . . we, of course, obliged, and made sure to do our liquid warm-ups. if i can get a hold of the video, i'll post it asap. just you wait, i'm next on american idol! hope everyone enjoyed a joy-filled weekend . . .

3 : potty times #1

today, my amusement comes from something that i know others have frequently experienced - whether you're the perpetrator or on the receiving end, it's an inevitable incident. the moment i'm referring to is the face that most every female person on earth makes when they know they're face-to-face with the person who will be unlucky enough to utilize the compromised stall after them.

the progression of the face goes something like this: eyes widen at the sound of the main bathroom door opening, cheeks flush scarlet, body temperature rises slightly. the realization sets in that you've got to face the person no matter what, so the process of preparing yourself for embarassment begins. you give yourself a quick pep talk about how "maybe she won't even notice, it wasn't THAT bad after all," and unlock the stall. you step out, making absolutely 155% sure that you keep your eyes completely averted from the girl in line. she may or may not try to engage in some social niceties such as a smile or a "hi," but you're so focused on not looking at her that you have no clue that she has made the effort - you're just trying to beat the land speed record for hand-washing before she realizes the damage you've done. however, if you're anything like me, the last (and most mortifying) part of the situation comes when you hear that tell-tale sharp intake of breath from the girl in your stall . . . busted. the trump card: you see her no less than four times throughout the course of the day and you everything in your power to look anywhere else BUT at her - you've never been so fascinated by the postings on the bulletin board before! ahh . . .

2 : gas

no, not that kind. my joy-filled (and completely unrelated to smelliness) gas-sy moments occurred not once, but twice this morning. to write about these events is a bit of a gamble, because I have absolutely no idea whether other people share these experiences –but, here goes nothing . . .

7:04am : i got into my car and realized that i had completely forgotten to fill up my tank on my way home from work last night. my little gas gauge warned that i had only about one tick mark left of gas before empty. you must understand, I used to be the never-below-1/4 tank, fill-all-the-way-up-every-time type of girl; now I am the squeak-by-till-you-can-afford-to-fill type of girl. isn’t being a grown-up fun? i didn’t feel like stopping on the way to school, so i decided to take my chances and hope the trusty subaru could make the 25-minute journey without a morning snack. about 5 miles into the trip, the gas light (of course) popped on – glowing orange and telling me “i told you so!” by this point i am in no mood to stop somewhere along the highway for gas, so i decide to chance it. good plan, right? needless to say, my first joyful moment occurred when i coasted (surely on fumes) into the kum and go (yes, that’s an actual gas station chain – thank you, iowa). i made it, with an overwhelming/blissful feeling of escaping an embarrassing and rather irritating hitchhiking stint on the highway.

7:29am : commence my most favorite part of the gas-getting process – the game of getting $20.00 worth of gas, and not a penny over. you all know the feeling i’m sure. jostling the pump just so, a little jolt followed by an eagle-eyed glance at the screen. today, i managed the elusive goal: $20.00 EVEN! If that’s not joyful, i don’t know what is.

1 : puppy chow

okay. i understand that you might think that something as pedestrian as puppy chow should not qualify as my first post; however, that's where you would be wrong. and i don't feel badly saying it (although, as a brand-new blogger, i should most likely not offend any followers whatsoever . . . but that's a change i'm willing to take).

puppy chow as a snack is good. puppy chow as a meal, even better. puppy chow as a food group, well, i'd say add it to the pyramid as soon as possible. it's just that delectable. if you have not had the incredible fortune of indulging in the stuff, i will do my best to create a sensory experience of it for you.

it is the be-all end-all of foods: crispy, crunchy, sweet, salty, sticky powdered-sugary and calorie-free (!). honestly, there is nothing wrong with taking a perfectly healthy cereal such as chex, dumping melted semi-sweet chocolate, peanut butter, butter and vanilla all over it, and covering it in what some might think to be an inordinate amount of powdered sugar. some might consider the coating methodology somewhat unorthodox (plastic shopping bags, doubled up of course to prevent leakage); however, it is my opinion that this no-fail process only serves to make the end result greater.

my favorite moment of puppy chow, you wonder? undoubtedly finding the best "cluster" of the stuff - it can be compared to winning the lottery, without a doubt. that little nugget is the pinnacle of puppy chow. if you've had the good fortune to defeat your roommate in this quest, you know just what i mean.

at the end of the day, what you are consuming is the most joyful experience of taste-bud satisfaction . . . i'm salivating just thinking about it.

bienvenue : welcome

it is my recently discovered (albeit somewhat already "known") belief that there is no big secret, no process, no big X-marks-the-spot method to finding joy . . . we cannot waste our time anticipating that ONE thing that will prove to be a game-changer in terms of our joyful state. that simply won't do. however, this is where trouvez la joie makes its debut. it is my (lofty) hope that this blog will be a pleasant distraction - an uncomplicated celebration of all things carefree and smile-provoking. indulge with me daily as i commit to simplifying the pursuit of JOY.